So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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