Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
