I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
