It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize