Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
