i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
