he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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