My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
