Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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