I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
