My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
