so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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