do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
