OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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