this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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