With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
