id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
