What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I would fuck him just for his dog
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
