Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Did you just see the Batmobile???
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
