I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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