My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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