What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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