What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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