All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
