I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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