It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
