i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
