Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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