you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
