sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
