Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
