I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize