I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize