ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
