my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
