she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
