my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
why is half of my head shaved?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
