I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
