I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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