I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
