just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize