I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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