Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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