Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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