Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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