Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
