I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
