I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
