ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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