Duck Duck Cougar?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
