we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize