it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
