I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Farmville is her only friend.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
