What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
pray to the hookup gods
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
