It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
