Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
