he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
