he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Operation Purity has been aborted
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
