sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
