I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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