I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
