Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
