Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
