my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Less talking, more tequila
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
