i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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