whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
