I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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