Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
