The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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