Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
