So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
