Pappa wants mamma naked
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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