The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
