Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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