You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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