Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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