I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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