The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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