note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
