I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
