My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
